The Diary of Nara Shikamaru
by PSITeleport
Summary: A slice of life taken from the journal he never wanted, written about the girl he never wanted. Shika/Ino
1. Asuma's last journal

Hello, Folks. This is series of drabble-y things I have been writing over the course of the past two weeks, as a way to relieve my emo-y tension and keep it far, far away from the other stories I am writing. I thought it was all cool, and I liked it, until I realized that I am nowhere near the first person to publish a Shikamaru journal, and I'm certainly not the best. But I loved writing it and it makes me giggle, so there ya go. That said, I think Shika-chan may be a bit OOC, but I tried really hard to avoid that. The thing is, I think it's really difficult to keep him in character because he made what appears to be a drastic change during the timejump. I remember when Shikamaru was "the complaining idiot". Now he's the stoic, reliable, kick-ass genius type. I mean, I suppose some of it can be explained by character development, but most of it must have happened during the jump, because we didn't get to see it all. So it can be hard to know which way to go. At any rate, this is set in the Shippuuden time frame, but with more of an "Original Naruto"-brand Shikamaru feel. At least, that's what I think. I'm probably analyzing it too much.

Have fun, and please review if you feel so inclined. I'll accept the good and the bad. Thanks!

ETA 11/25: Changed status to "In Progress" and added a second chapter. Cha!

* * *

_February 22,_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was pretty ordinary. I got up too early, I trained too long, I wasted a lot of time listening to Ino whine about something, and I got yelled at by Mom for "looking so bored" while she was talking. I ate rice and miso for breakfast and yakiniku for lunch, and _God this is so stupid.

.

_March 18,_

_So, Kurenai gave me this. I'm not sure why she thought I would want it. I mean, yeah, it has Asuma's last written words in it, and that means something, but it's not as if he said anything terribly poignant. There are a couple of diagrams that he drew, and a few notes. Kurenai kept all the full journals, and if Asuma left any words of wisdom, they must be in those. They're certainly not in this one. _

_I guess she wants me to finish it; it seems to bother her that it was left mostly empty. I'll honor her wishes, but I doubt very seriously that these journal "entries" are going to be what she's expecting. I don't have anything to say, and I don't want to do this. At least I never have to let her read it. Actually, I never have to let _anyone_ read it._

_I hate my mother!_

_Wow, that was therapeutic? _

_I'm going to bed._

.

_March 21,_

_Here I am again, all ready to write about my life. Yep. My fascinating life. _

_Argh, I hate this! I've been refraining from saying this, but I do not understand the point of having a journal. And I definitely don't understand why _Asuma_ would have one. No offense to him, but journals are for women. No one but a woman would think her words were so special that they should be recorded for future generations to gaze upon. If a man had something that important to say, he would carve it into the side of a mountain or something. A woman would never do that; she'd probably get dirt under her nails. That's why women have journals. I'll bet Ino has a lavender one with fairies on the cover. And the pages are pink and smell like baby powder. Okay, okay, baby powder was stupid. She probably sprays the pages with perfume. And she kisses each one. Heh, that's gross. I actually gave myself goosebumps. So yeah, journals are dumb and I'm not a girl. I have nothing to write and 93 pages left to write it on. This sucks. If something really interesting doesn't happen soon, this whole journal is going to be me griping about how much I don't want to be writing in it. What a great homage to Asuma's memory._

_._

_March 30,_

_Well, something interesting happened. If by interesting, you mean unbelievably annoying. Catastrophic, even. Okay, I'll end your suspense: Ino is living here. With us. In my house. I can't _believe_ this. Now I am going to have _two_ fire-breathing dragons nagging me daily, and absolutely nowhere to go to have any peace. How did this nightmare happen, you ask? Let me explain: Ino's dad was sent on an extended mission three days ago. Normally, this wouldn't be cause to destroy the life of a young man who never did anything to anyone, but we have that heightened security alert in the village right now, and Inoichi was concerned about leaving his wife and daughter alone that long. Of course my dad offered to keep an eye on them, since Inoichi is like a brother to him, and that's what brothers do for each other. (That's what Dad keeps saying, anyway.) So they're staying with us for now. There's so much estrogen in my house I can't breathe. Ino is raging around all the time, griping about how she's not a baby! (The more you say it, Ino, the less I believe it.) She can take care of the family and the property! (But when will you find time between brushing your hair and looking at yourself in the mirror?) And Mom spends half of her time pretending that she's thrilled to have house guests, and the other half threatening out of the side of her mouth that Yamanaka-san had better keep out of her kitchen. I think I actually heard her mutter "draw back a nub" when Ino's mom was stirring the soup last night. Yikes._

_We have two guest rooms, so Ino doesn't even have to share a room with her mom, but every morning, as soon as the sun is up, Ino barges in _here _to put on her makeup. Something about the "natural lighting" in my room. Somebody kill me, please._

_So, that's the state of things. What am I going to do? She drives me _insane._ And I have no idea how long she's going to be here. I feel like I don't even have space inside my own head. She's nagging me in my dreams now. That's why I'm in no rush to go to bed. The sooner I sleep, the sooner I get woken up at some ungodly hour by the she-devil herself._

_But I have training tomorrow, whether or not I stay up late feeling sorry for myself. I guess I'd better rest for that._

_._

_April 3,_

_Today sucked. For a week I've been woken up at first light by Yamanaka "Hell on Wheels" Ino, who blazes in with a sarcastic, "Morning, Lazy Ass" as she prepares to empty the contents of her makeup luggage onto my desk. Usually I just go downstairs and fall asleep on the floor until my mom comes out to have _her_ go at me. But I guess I was getting used to Ino coming in, though, because yesterday I slept right through the whole show. I woke up at a comparatively late eight-fifteen with no one and nothing in my room except the lingering smell of Eau de Skunk Cabbage. I considered myself lucky, until _this_ morning. Instead of waking up to Ino's heartfelt greeting and the thunk of a million glass bottles on wood, I woke up to the sharp corner of a metal pencil box flying into my head, and Ino's scream of, "Why don't you ever clean this room? It's a pigsty!"_

_Well, I am SO sorry! I'll remember to make sure everything is perfect for the princess's morning ritual in the future! And I'm going to have a scar from that, you know. Everyone will wonder which dangerous, S-ranked ninja I was fighting when I got that wicked-looking scar across my eyebrow, and I'll have to say, no, you have it all wrong, my blonde partner threw a pencil box at my head while I was sleeping. And they will all wonder why I didn't bitch-slap her for it, and I won't have anything to say because I don't know the answer to that myself. I guess it's just too much trouble to fight back. If I stay very still and keep very quiet, eventually she wanders off to cause problems for someone else. It's worked pretty well for me so far, so I'm sticking with it. Hooray for passive resistance! Although "head-in-the-sand technique" might be a better term for it. But, I guarantee you, if she pulls another stunt like that, she's going to find herself with a bottle of perfume crammed into each nostril._

_At any rate, I spent four hours memorizing the cracks in the ceiling in the hospital lobby, waiting for someone to get around to giving me three stitches. Then I got to the training field just in time to have my head handed to me by Ino _there_, too. And I excused myself from dinner early, because the only thing in this world that is worse than the sound of Ino's voice when she's on a rampage is the silence of her smug self-satisfaction._

_._

_April 11,_

_Things have calmed down a little. Ino seems to have gotten used to the idea of living here, and she's only going on occasional rampages now. I wish I was as adaptable as her. Maybe she's better fit for survival. If this was fifty thousand years ago, she would have climbed a tree, and I would have been eaten by the bear._

_._

_April 12,_

_I have no idea what I was rambling about yesterday. Ignore it, I was tired. In reality, I have adapted some, but only in that I've gotten better at hiding. I even spent Saturday night at Chouji's to get some "fresh air". There's only one woman over there, and at least she's a great cook. But when I got home yesterday, Ino had left her makeup on my desk. I guess the pretenses, if there were any, are gone. There's no reason to take her makeup with her if she's just going to be bringing it in again the next morning. She can save herself a step if she sets up shop in here, right?_

_._

_April 23,_

_What a weird afternoon. Was I spirited into some strange, parallel universe? Today, Ino brought me a snack she had made herself. She said it was to thank me for "putting up with" her and her mom. (Not that her mom was ever the problem, but I digress.) I have to admit, the food was pretty good, but my guard won't go down so easily. I'm suspicious of any vestige of sweetness on Ino's part. She could be buttering me up for some reason, but it's more likely that she's in a good mood because some guy she likes glanced in her general direction. I'll keep my eye on her for a few days and see which way it goes._

.

_April 26,_

_No new info. Ino's Random Act of Kindness seems to have been just that. She's definitely calmed down a lot, though. She's putting her energy into a new project, a girls' sleepover party or whatever they're called. It's keeping her busy, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Now it's back to normal, which means I only have my mom to contend with. Heh, only. Mom's more than enough of an opponent for me. But at least she doesn't put on her makeup in my room._

_._

_April 28,_

_I have to take a moment to say that I don't have any idea where I'm going with these journal entries, but I'm happy that I've filled some pages. I've just finished reading through them and I realize that it's been nothing but griping about Ino, but since no one's ever going to read it except me, it doesn't really matter, does it? If Kurenai ever comes looking for it, I'll have to say that it spontaneously combusted or something. (Good one, Me!)_

_._

_May 6,_

_Ah, bliss. What's that sound? You don't hear anything, you say? That's because Ino has been gone all evening, and she's not coming back until tomorrow. Even her makeup went with her. Mom, Dad, and Yamanaka-san all went to bed (heh, that looks funny when you write it that way), and it's nice and quiet in the house. Two months ago I would have been asleep by now, but I've learned that I have to enjoy rare moments like these when they come, because they are few and far between. I'm sitting at my desk with a hot cup of tea and listening to the sweet, sweet music of _no one nagging me.

_But, in all honesty, things really aren't as bad as they could be. Not anymore. Maybe Ino's just out of things to bug me about, but there haven't been many instances of_

_._

_May 7,_

_Shit shit shit shit shit._

_._

_May 19,_

_I have to write about this. I've tried to start a dozen times, but I don't know...I just don't know. I don't know what to say. Oh, God. This is crazy. I'm crazy. What have I done? What do I do? I did something...so stupid. Can I say it? Well, I know I can't say it. Can I write it? I have to try. _

I had sex with Ino.

_!!! I wrote it! I did it! I can't believe I did something so absolutely moronic. I swear to God, it was an accident. Two of her girlfriends brought her home early from that sleepover party I wrote about. They had been playing some dumb drinking game and, I don't know, either Ino can't hold her liquor or she's just really bad at the game, but she was smashed. The thing is, it was nothing like I thought it would be. I always thought a drunk girl would be smelly and disgusting and puking everywhere, but, no, not Ino. Ino was, just, totally hot. Her hair was down and she was looking at me so...like...like she wanted me. And she just attacked me! She started kissing me on my face and my neck in this sexy way and I completely lost it! I'm so humiliated to even be writing this right now, but I can't keep it in any longer. I had sex with Ino! I screwed her right there on the living room floor! And it was really stupid. I mean, I had to hold my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. But it was unbelievable. It's been two weeks and I can't think about anything else. The thing it, now I can't even look her in the eye. What makes it even worse (better?) is that she doesn't remember a thing. Or, she says she doesn't, but I believe her. She's acting pretty normal. She seems to think I was her cohort in sneaking her upstairs and into her room while she was drunk, and she's being almost overly grateful. She hasn't nagged me about anything in two weeks. I think she scared herself, though. She told me she's never going to drink again, because she doesn't like blacking out. She's afraid that she might be taken advantage of if she lets herself get that way again. Oh, God, I think I'm going to cry. I am a horrible human being. I mean, it's horrible that I...did those things with Ino when she wasn't in her right mind, but it's really, really horrible the way I keep thinking about it. Over and over again. And every time I see Ino I start thinking about what she looks like naked. And I start imagining her doing...things, and I just don't even know if we can go back to normal. Ever. I mean, I _can't_ tell her. Maybe I should, but I _can't._ No, I definitely should. It's her body, right? She deserves to know what happened. But I just can't do it. I have to hope everything will be okay. _

_But I don't think things can ever be the same._

_._

_May 22,_

_I found Ino's underwear behind the couch this morning. I wonder if she noticed it was missing?_

_._

_May 30,_

_Oh, no. I think I'm falling in love with Ino. Maybe it's just infatuation. But now, on top of regular, run-of-the-mill, hormonal teenage boy fantasies, I'm starting to have some other, weirder ones. Sometimes I just want to put my head in her lap and fall asleep. Sometimes she's sitting next to me and I...I kinda want her to rub my shoulders. Is that weird? Why the hell am I asking a notebook a question? The answer is, yes, it's weird, because we're talking about _Ino_ here. The girl that's been driving me crazy for years. She's so damned annoying I want to strangle her sometimes. But other times I want to take her away and marry her and make lots of babies with her and take care of her forever and ever. Sheesh, I'm even making _myself_ gag. How did I let this happen? I have to be the biggest idiot on the planet._

_Note to self: When hot, drunk babes throw themselves at you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT FORNICATE!_

_._

_June 4,_

_Despite my misgivings, things are starting to go back to normal. To a degree. Ino has apparently moved beyond her gratefulness for all of my "help" the night of the party and is back to nagging me to get up earlier and clean my room. Is this what I want? Do I want to live like my father? Do I want to be in love with a woman that keeps my balls in her purse?_

_I guess the real question is, do I have a choice?_

_No, the real question is, does it matter? Because no matter how I feel about Ino, there are a few more steps between where I'm standing and matrimonial/carnal bliss with her:_

_1. If I were ever in a relationship with Ino, I would have to tell her what we've done. What _I've_ done. To her. And I can never do that._

_2. I'd have to convince her father to let her marry me. The most unmotivated, disinterested ninja in the history of all ninjadom. Yeah, that ain't gonna happen._

_3. I'm saving the most obvious for last, for a bit of dramatic irony. Ino doesn't love me. I don't even show up on Ino's radar. That's been the hardest thing for me to come to terms with, but I know I'm not even close to her standards. She likes pretty boys. She likes the cool, popular types. And she's pretty, cool and popular enough herself to snag one. She doesn't need me. She has never needed me, and I've never even been a consideration for her. It's obvious to me, but I have to be honest: it hurts. But I'm not the kind of guy to throw myself at her, no matter how much I love her._

_Though, sometimes, I really wish I could be that kind of guy. Just for a few minutes._

_._

_June 6,_

_Today's a special day. It's the one month anniversary of the day I lost my mind. Maybe I'll celebrate by getting drunk, myself. But we've seen where that leads. And I somehow doubt that I would be quite as seductive as Ino when inebriated. I think, instead, I'll celebrate by going to bed early. Maybe this time I'll do myself a favor and I won't imagine that I'm taking Ino with me. Yeah, right._

_._

_June 8,_

_What's wrong with me? I don't understand how I can feel this way about Ino, of all people. She's one of the most bossy, annoying, bratty women I've ever met, and that's saying something. Also, she's very vain. Which is frustrating to me, because she really doesn't need to worry about her looks that much. She's so heartbreakingly beautiful, even without six layers of frosting on her face. Especially without._

_Still, she may be bossy, but she's also tough and strong and cool. She never lets anyone take advantage of her (cough) or tell her what to do. I never, never thought I would want to spend my life with a woman like that. But I do. When's she's gone from the house for the day, I miss the sound of her voice coming through my door, clearly, from all the way downstairs. It sounds terrible, but I don't want her father to ever come home. But he will come home, eventually, and this house is going to feel so empty. But I'm not going to worry about that right now. I'm just going to enjoy having her here._

_._

_June 11,_

_I've got to get it together. Ino's getting suspicious. Or worried. Or something. She keeps asking me if I'm sick, and using medical techniques on me to figure out what's wrong. There's nothing _medically_ wrong with me, baby. There might be something _psychiatrically_ wrong with me, but that's a different story._

_On the flip side, Ino herself doesn't seem to be doing so great. I think she should do some medical techniques on herself._

_._

_June 17,_

_I'm not sure if I made it clear before, so let me state it again in no uncertain terms: _I am the biggest idiot who ever lived.

_Ino is pregnant._

_She confided this to me last night. She looks _terrible_. She's healthy and everything, but she's just shocked and confused and incredibly worried. I don't feel honored that she came to me first; I think she literally has no one else to turn to. I think she might have told one of her girlfriends, except that she obviously has no idea how she got pregnant, and she's suspicious that they might have been in on some sort of devious...thing. I don't know what she's thinking. That her friends stood by and watched her be gang raped or something? But I can't blame her; I'm sure her head isn't on straight right now._

_She has no idea what to do. She can't tell her parents, not yet. She has no story to tell them. Are they going to buy that she honestly doesn't know what happened? I mean, that's actually _worse_ than knowing how and when it happened. It makes her look like a whore. She swears to me that she's a virgin, or was. I believe her, but I probably have a more objective point of view than her father will have._

_I never meant to cause her so much pain. I'm going to have to suck it up, be a man, and tell her the truth. And I will. I don't know how, or when exactly. I'll just have to wait for the right moment. She's going to hate me, I know this. But I can't keep lying to her._

_However, I have something even bigger to think about right now, so I'm going to think about _that_._

_I'm going to be a father._

_._

_June 20,_

_It didn't take as long as I thought to fill this journal up. I think I'm going to buy another one. Shocking, I know. Writing in it has become such a habit that I don't feel right if I avoid it too long. Plus, I have way more crap to write about Ino, and no space left to write it. I told her tonight. I told her everything. But I'll have to wait until I buy another journal to write about it. I guess I'll do that tomorrow._

_-N.S._


	2. My first journal

_June 27,_

_Where to start? Well, it's been a while since my last real journal entry. I struggled with buying a journal for almost a week, before I finally just gave up and bought a plain, spiral notebook. I'm kind of a coward, obviously, but the idea of buying anything with the word "journal" plastered on the front was too humiliating. Therefore, spiral notebook it is._

_So, yeah. I told Ino the truth. I told her about the drunken copulation, although, I'll admit, I didn't go into great detail. I don't think she was really interested. For the record, Ino wasn't in the best mood when I told her. She'd been moping around all day, every day. I was trying to catch her during an "up" time, until I finally realized she wasn't going to be _having_ any of those any time soon. At any rate, by the time I was done spilling my guts, Ino. Was. _PISSED.

_Oh, yes. Completely pissed. All right, it's true. I took advantage of the girl while she was unable to defend herself, got her pregnant, and lied to her about it. I'm not exactly the hero of this story. But Ino just ignored the points I made about her being drunk and coming on to me. I'd say that we _both_ need to take some responsibility for the situation we're in right now._

_Try telling that to Ino. As far as she's concerned, she was the innocent virgin just trying to get upstairs to bed when the _incubus_, me, attacked her and disappeared into the night, leaving her virtue in tatters and her womb filled with demon seed._

_No, I'm not exaggerating. Most of those words came right out of her mouth during her two-hour tirade. Okay, she never referred to my sperm as "demon seed;" I did embellish that part._

_Oh, and she hit me. A lot. I didn't even try to defend myself. I feel like I deserve most of what I got. She really hurt her hand, but she wouldn't let me look at it. (Turned out she fixed it herself, later.) So now I have a black (green) eye and a mostly healed split lip, among several other less outwardly noticeable injuries._

_But, before I had entered Ino's room, I had resolved that I wouldn't leave until I told her _everything_. You know what I'm talking about._

_So when Ino was finally tired of screaming and punching, and she was just sitting there, looking like her face was on fire, I emasculated myself further. I told her, and I didn't soften it or preface it or anything. I just blurted it out, like this:_

_"I love you, Ino."_

_Oh, and I threw in a "don't kill me" at the end._

_I...wouldn't say it went over _badly_ exactly, but it also wasn't the weeping, clinging, protestation of devotion that I was stupid enough to allow myself to fantasize about. Instead, she got this vacant look in her eyes, like I had just said one thing too many. She sat there that way for so long I was starting to get worried about catatonia. But when I poked her she glared at me, so I knew she was okay. Then I started talking. I said that I knew she probably didn't love me back, but that was okay because I was going to be there for her and be her friend and take care of her and the baby and yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm not saying "yadda" because I didn't mean it; I really did. I meant every damn word I said. But I'm sure it sounded like "yadda, yadda" to her. Anyway, I groveled a little and said everything I could think of to say, everything I've been holding in and that I thought she might need to hear. Then I left her there to think. She didn't take the opportunity to hurl something at me while my back was turned, so I decided to take that as a good sign._

_Somehow, she managed to avoid me for three straight days. I didn't see her once. Near the end, I casually asked about her to Yamanaka-san, but the woman just started wringing her hands and flapping around. So _she _obviously knows something's up._

_Then I caught a glimpse of Ino disappearing into her room, and she was crying. But at least I knew she was alive. I thought about knocking on the door, but I didn't. See again: coward. I started running into her here and there, but she always ignored me; until last night. I was passing her in the hall on my way to my room and she got right in my way. She kept her eyes on the floor but she sort of mumbled, "sorry I hit you."_

_I wanted to hold her so badly. I wanted to put my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She looks so depressed. But I didn't, and she ran off before I could think again. I don't think it would have been a good idea, anyway._

_So, that's where we are today. At this point I've had to really reconcile myself to the fact that Ino doesn't love me back. Oh, I know I've said that before, but there was always a small part of me that was hoping I was wrong. I wasn't wrong. I have absolutely no reason to believe that Ino is harboring any feelings toward me other than anger and, perhaps, a small amount of guilt. And a lot of regret._

_But I _will_ be here if she needs me. I refuse to let Ino go through this by herself, to put herself through that much stress. She's going to have to do a lot more than punch me if she wants me to leave her alone. And that's that._

_.  
_

_July 3,_

_My face is starting to look a lot better, so that's good. Another good thing, I guess: Ino spoke to me over dinner last night. She said, "Pass the dumplings."_

_The tension in this house is palpable. Ino's walking around like the living dead, Yamanaka-san seems like she's one small start from a heart attack, and my parents are utterly clueless as to _what_ the hell is going on. I'm sure that I'm worrying them. I don't know what to do. I almost think that Ino needs to tell them about the baby, but I don't think she will until she comes to grips with it herself. I guess I could tell _my_ parents, but I'm not sure it's my secret to tell. I'm very confused about this._

_But something definitely needs to happen, and soon. We got a letter from Ino's dad yesterday; he's coming home next week. I wish he wouldn't. Even though living here feels like living on death row right now, I can't imagine it without Ino. How can I "be there for her" if she's gone? How will I know how she's doing?_

_It's unrealistic, I know, but I wish she could stay here forever._

_.  
_

_July 6,_

_The last three days have been pure, unadulterated hell for me. Somehow, I've had this "happy" little scenario in my brain where Ino realizes she needs me (even if she never loves me) and we get married and raise our baby and live happily (if weirdly) ever after. But it finally occurred to me, genius that I am, that that is not what's going to happen._

_What _is_ going to happen is this: Ino's going to go home. Her mom will probably help her take care of the baby. Ino will get older and even more beautiful, fall in love with some guy who's more than happy to marry her and raise _my_ child, and I will be sitting here alone, trying to be content with visitation rights._

_I want to die._

_.  
_

_July 9,_

_Ino came to me yesterday. We had a good talk, I guess. She apologized again for wailing on me, I apologized again for impregnating her. Good start, right?_

_Basically, she came to a decision about the baby, and about me. She decided that she's afraid to tell her parents that she's pregnant without having someone to back her up. She wants us to present a united front. In other words, she wants us to tell our parents together. She's going to tell them that we screwed around, she got pregnant, but we don't plan to stay together; we're just going to be friends. She's conveniently going to leave out the drinking part._

_I, for one, hate this plan for reasons innumerable. But I will attempt to numerate them, anyway. Why not._

_1. I don't get to be with Ino._

_2. I don't get to be with the baby._

_3. It makes me look like an asshole._

_4. 4 is related to 3. Inoichi is going to kill me. I am going to die. I asked for it, and now it's going to happen. All that remains to be seen is _how _I will die. The phrase "suffocated on his own testicles" keeps popping into my head. And if anything is left of me when Ino's dad is done, I'm sure my own father will take care of the rest. Good God._

_I mean, on that point, I'm actually better off this way. Much better than Ino's dad finding out what really happened; at least it looks like she was a conscious participant. But, somehow, I doubt he'll be thinking of it that way._

_But there's hope for me; the second part of Ino's plan. We're going to tell our parents tomorrow night, before Inoichi gets home, and leave that part up to her mom. She admits that she's being a baby about it, but she just can't tell her dad. She says she's "his little girl," whatever that means. That is very good. It means that Dad will have first shot at me. I'm hoping that, as my father, he'll have the mercy to end it quickly._

_So that's the plan. Tomorrow's the big day, and Inoichi will be home Thursday. I wish I could warp through this week and appear on the other side._

_.  
_

_July 10,_

_That...was weird. Tonight went so much better than I could have hoped for. Ino did all the talking, and, to her credit, she didn't start out by pointing her finger and shouting, "Shikamaru got me pregnant!" She was pretty diplomatic; she really knows how to talk her way out of trouble. I think it helped that our parents were just glad to see her acting "alive" again. The only one that seemed really upset was my mother. Ino's mom looked totally relieved; maybe she thought Ino was terminal? And strangest of all was my dad. He looked like...it's hard to believe, but he looked like he was trying not to laugh._

_I don't know what to do about Mom. Of the three, I thought she'd be the one with the least reason to be mad._

_All in all, though, I'm pretty relieved. The only one that remains to be informed is Ino's dad. But he's the scariest one._

_.  
_

_July 12,_

_Inoichi came and took his family home today. He looked so happy to finally be back. Funny. All I feel like doing is crying._

_I already miss Ino. I hate the idea of her being pregnant and alone, and I hate not being able to keep an eye on her. I suppose she has her mother now, but I don't see how it can be the same._

_My unexpected ally in this whole sorry affair is my dad. He patted me on the shoulder this morning and told me not to worry, because he was going to take care of Inoichi. I have no idea what that would entail, but it's way more support than I could have expected from him. He looked a little concerned for the first time. I'm sure he feels responsible. He brought Inoichi's family here to protect them, and Ino ended up far from the perfect state that she was left in. I hope that their friendship doesn't come to an end because of me._

_One way or another, my life has become a countdown. I'm either counting down to my death at the hands of Ino's dad, or the birth of my child. I wish I could feel optimistic about either. Even if dad says something to Inoichi to keep him from killing me, he can't do anything to influence Ino. And I'm not sure living sounds like all that much fun without her._

_Did I really just say that? I'm getting so emo._

_.  
_

_July 15,_

_In case you were wondering, I'm still alive._

_.  
_

_July 22,_

_Today was one of those "readjust your entire worldview" kind of days. My mom came and talked to me. She's been huffing around ever since we broke the news, and been even harder to get along with than usual. Well, today, she wasn't angry. When she came into my room to "have a talk," she looked resolved. I won't go into the details of the talk, but the jist of it was this: my parents got married because my mom was pregnant. With me._

_Um, yeah. That's a cool thing to learn about your folks. I mean nauseating. I don't want to think about it._

_She reassured me that they loved and respected each other and so forth, but still, it's pretty jarring. I guess Mom was so annoyed because I made the same mistake that she and Dad did. Except I didn't, really, but I can't tell her that. I mean, she and Dad were already together at that time. (Still trying not to think about it.) I _wish_ I'd been that smart._

_I guess that's why Dad's being so understanding. He's been there. He's been that "stupid guy."_

_Since she told me that, she's been downright friendly. I haven't told either of my parents that I'm desperately in love with a woman who doesn't want me, and I can't imagine a scenario where I _would_, so they don't completely know where I'm coming from. But they're being supportive, all things considered. It's kind of nice. I guess._

_.  
_

_July 26,_

_It's been two weeks since I've seen Ino. I'd give anything to wake up to the sound of her makeup being dumped out on my desk._

_.  
_

_July 29,_

_I couldn't take it anymore. I went to Ino's house today. I knew I was taking my life into my hands, but I did it anyway. I really wanted to see her, to see how she's doing._

_Ino's mom answered the door. She hugged me when I came in. That was weird._

_Ino's dad just stared at me. I never saw him blink, but, then again, I wasn't stupid enough to make eye contact with him. I was starting to think that lightning bolts might shoot out of his eyes and fry me. _

_Then there was Ino. She didn't look angry that I showed up. She was...cordial. I asked her to go for a walk with me, and her dad actually stood up to stop her. But Ino just walked past him and onto her porch. I followed her before he could kill me._

_We walked for a little while, but there wasn't really anywhere to go, so we just ended up at the Memorial. Once again, we had the very unusual situation of me talking and Ino listening. I have to say, I kind of hate it. I mean, maybe I wouldn't if the situation were different...I don't know._

_I didn't have _that _much to say, honestly. I don't want to drive her crazy by repeating myself over and over. She knows how I feel, and saying it again isn't going to make her feel the same way._

_But I did ask her to let me be her friend, and be there for her while the baby's growing. She said she'd have to think about it. It will probably take a while for her to forgive me, but I think she will, eventually. She isn't enraged anymore, and that's awesome._

_I'm selfish. I don't want to miss out on a single moment of Ino's life, or the life of our child. But I'll settle for less, if I have to. I'll take whatever I can get, no matter how pathetic it makes me look. I don't care._

_But more is definitely better than less._

_.  
_

_August 5,_

_Random Note: Kurenai asked about the journal today. I told her I'd filled it and started a second one. I think that made her really happy._

_Kurenai's son is getting pretty big. He's walking now. It's so strange; I never thought I'd have a kid that's close in age to Asuma's, close enough that they'll grow up together._

_Life can be so surprising._

_.  
_

_August 14,_

_I went to Sand last week. I haven't been there for a while. Chouji and I took several documents to the Kazekage for Tsunade. Pretty uneventful. _

_A few times, I started to tell Chouji about Ino. But I never did. I sometimes think it would be good to talk to another human about her, but that's really just a theory. It's not anything I would ever do, if I didn't have to._

_The reality is, this whole situation is ridiculous. Just the thought of trying to explain it to someone...yeah. Sometimes I imagine baring my soul to my best friend and it makes me laugh out loud. It seems like such a girly thing to do. (Girlier than writing about it in a diary. Ha.) I guess Chouji will have to know about it sooner or later, and so will everyone in Konoha. This isn't exactly something that just stays a secret. And I think it's only fair that Chouji know before every other Tom, Dick, and Harry in the village. But it's not likely that he'll hear it from me. I just can't do it. Sorry, Chouji._

_.  
_

_August 20,_

_Argh. I miss Ino so much. And I'm so tired of my own whining. I need something new to think about, something new to write about. But there's nothing. My life is completely wrapped up in that woman. Shougi can only distract a man so much. I've been training twice as often, to try and take my mind off of her. Nothing's working._

_Maybe I'll pick up some classes at the Academy again. I don't know if they need teachers right now, but I need something else to do besides...pine. _Gah.

.

_August 25,_

_Wow. Ino came to see me today. She looks absolutely beautiful. She wasn't wearing any makeup at all, and she's gained a little bit of weight. Also, it may be my imagination, but I think I detect a hint of a bump. It's hard to be sure, because she isn't wearing those tight clothes anymore. That's telling enough on it's own, I guess._

_She was very nice. She brought me some cookies, which were delicious. I'm accepting them as edible forgiveness._

_She said she wants to see me more often. Yes, you heard that right. She misses me. She said she wants me to "go through the pregnancy" with her. Moment of honesty: I have no idea what the hell that means. Maybe, go to her doctor's appointments or something? Whatever. I don't care, I'll do whatever she wants. She was very clear: she is not trying to start a relationship. But, ultimately, we _are_ friends. We've been teammates for a long time, and we work well together, despite our differences. We've always driven each other crazy, but we've always supported one another, as well. She doesn't see any reason to change that now, and she wants things to go back to normal, she says._

_Sounds good to me. I'm glad she's being sweet and all, but, in reality, I won't believe things are "back to normal" until she starts nagging me again. I'll be looking forward to it._

_Well, this notebook's full, already. Until the next one:_

_-N.S._


	3. My favorite journal

_September 6,_

_A few days ago, Ino insisted that we tell Chouji that she's pregnant. I just subtly hinted that we write a letter or something instead. I probably don't need to say that I got chewed out for that._

_It was kind of awesome. And irritating. I think I need help._

_By this time, I was pretty sure that he had already heard; after all, I wasn't really expecting my parents to keep it from his._

_Yeah, I was wrong. Chouji was definitely caught off guard. See, Ino told him the whole, real story. She even told him that she was drunk when it happened. I think she put a little too much emphasis on that point, which is pretty insulting, when you get right down to it._

_Did I say that Chouji was caught off-guard? I meant to say, he tried to pummel me. I'm getting a little tired of being physically assaulted by my teammates._

_He's not happy. I never thought _Chouji_, of all people, would be that pissed. He's never tried to hurt me before, or even cross me. He seems to have a protective "big" brother thing going on with Ino, or something. Am I in _everyone's _bingo book now?_

_.  
_

_September 14,_

_We're having a girl. Wow._

_Today, Ino had her appointment where they tell her what the baby is going to be. She made me go. That was fine. But then, when the nurse came to get her, I started to follow her back, and she stopped me, all annoyed. I don't know if she changed her mind, or if she just planned on having me sit in the waiting room the whole time, but that's what I ended up doing._

_Anyway, she told me it was a girl when she came out. I...never considered that it might be a girl, but Ino says she's always known it. I could've used the heads up. _

_A girl. What do you _do_ with one of those?_

_.  
_

_September 17,_

_The Yamanakas came over this evening, for dinner. I was expecting it to be awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't too bad, except that Ino's dad still seems like he's trying to keep himself from grinding me into dust. Also, I got in trouble for falling asleep on the couch at one point. By Mom _and _Ino. They make a pretty good tag-team, much to my chagrin. _

_My mom and Ino's mom have gone completely off the deep-end: it's "baby" this and "labor" that and stuff about breast-feeding. And I didn't know this, but, according to Yamanaka-san, having babies takes four days and feels something like being turned inside out and trampled on by horses. So, yeah. Thanks for that information._

_.  
_

_September 22,_

_It won't be long until the village has figured out what's happened with Ino and me. She's definitely, um, taking up more space than she used to. Wearing big, poofy shirts is only going to cover her for so long. I know a couple of people have found out; it's not technically a secret anymore, now that Chouji's been told. Dad must have told Tsunade, because she keeps smirking whenever I pass by. It's easy for me to forget how old she really is. I wonder if she knows what happened with my parents?_

_.  
_

_September 27,_

_I haven't seen Chouji in a while. I'm starting to think he really is mad at me. I'm considering luring him out with yakiniku, but I'll have to wait until my next paycheck. I can't afford it right now._

_.  
_

_October 3,_

_I know it's never going to happen, but I wish Ino would come back here and stay until the baby is born. I miss her. And every time I see her, she's a little bigger, and I realize I've missed out on...something. The situation sucks, but I can't help but be excited about the baby. She'll be the next generation; she'll inherit the "will of fire". That's pretty damned cool, when you think about it._

_.  
_

_October 7,_

_I got a note from Chouji today. He wants me to come by his house on Monday, when his parents are going to be out. I'm...hesitant. Does this mean he doesn't want witnesses? If it comes to taijutsu, Chouji will destroy me. I think it's time for me to tell him how I feel about Ino. He deserves to know that much. Maybe he'll be able to see this from my point of view._

_.  
_

_October 9,_

_Ino was over today. She's been visiting more often. She said that she and I were members of "Team Baby," which is actually pretty funny, and that we should stick together. Oh, and I got to feel her kick. The baby, not Ino. I've felt Ino's kicks plenty of times, and they're not anything to write...in your journal about. And, for once, it was Ino that fell asleep on the couch at random. She looks beautiful when she's sleeping, all defenseless and not aggravating at all._

_I took a nap, too. On the floor._

_And we have another doctor's appointment in a few days. Didn't we just go to one of those? I wonder if I'll have to stay in the waiting room again. Maybe I'll take my Shougi board._

_.  
_

_October 12,_

_How could I have missed this? Chouji, my best friend, is also in love with Ino, and has been since, it seems, the beginning of time. So, yeah, I guess he _can_ see it from my point of view. Now I'm afraid that I can't see it from his._

_He cried. He was so angry and hurt that he was crying. I had to tell him that I love her too. I _didn't_ tell him that I didn't love her until after I had sex with her. _

_You know, every once in a while, something happens to remind me what a dick I've been._

_.  
_

_October 15,_

_Well, another long, boring hour in the waiting room. I guess Ino and the baby are fine. Oh, and I just found out that Ino asked Tsunade to deliver the baby._

_.  
_

_October 23,_

_Ino seems to have officially given up on being sneaky. She's not trying to cover up the baby anymore, and she's getting big enough to be obvious. She said some people have stared at her like she was an alien, but most people are being nice and congratulating her and stuff. Yesterday, Ino and I were taking a walk, and we passed Kiba. He high-fived me. It was a really awkward moment, because I didn't want to leave him hanging, but Ino was glaring at me. You know, _the_ glare. In the end, I went for the high five, mainly because it's probably the first really positive reaction I've personally gotten from anyone, and nobody but Chouji even knows the grisly details._

_So, of course, I got yelled at for the last eight blocks of the walk, and I'm assuming if anyone _didn't_ know about the baby yet, they do now. My ears hurt, but I'm happy. Except, I still don't know what to do about Chouji._

_.  
_

_October 29,_

_It was another Nara-Yamanaka "family" dinner today, which I don't get at all. I really think they're just an excuse for our moms to get together and plan out my child's life. I'm not sure they're aware, but they don't actually get to name her or anything. They don't seem to know that._

_Mom's talking about inviting the Akamichis next time. I really hope she doesn't._

_Ino and I avoided most of the...gathering. For my part, I can't sit in the same room with her dad for too long. And Ino doesn't like hearing all the labor stories, which seem to get more gruesome every time they're told. She says she's scared enough as it is. I guess her mom gets off on terrorizing her about having and raising a baby. As if being seventeen and pregnant isn't terrifying already. Maybe that's why Ino's been coming over so much._

_I kind of, casually, threw out the idea of Ino staying in our guest room again, for the next few months. Just until the baby is born. I mean, I'd be cool with her staying in there forever. But I was trying to be slightly more realistic._

_I was surprised, but she said she'd consider it. That's more than I could have hoped for. I guess we'll see what happens._

_.  
_

_November 4,_

_Woah, so here's something really cool. Hinata can see the baby. She said that she is already really strong, with a lot of chakra. _

_So...she'll be able to kick my ass. Great._

_.  
_

_November 11,_

_I went and got Chouji today. I didn't ask his permission. I just dragged him out and took him to lunch. I thought about bringing Ino, too, but I kind of think this is between Chouji and me. I don't know if he sees me as a rival; it's hard to tell. But I have no more claim on Ino than anyone does. Ino cares about Chouji just as much as she cares about me, that is, like brothers._

_This _can't_ happen. I refuse to let it. I refuse to let Chouji shut us out, and I refuse to let this be the end of our friendship._

_He just came along; he didn't put up a fight. Unfortunately, being depressed did absolutely _nothing_ to his appetite. I still walked out of there with an empty wallet._

_But it will be worth it, if I get my friend back again._

_.  
_

_November 16,_

Another_ appointment? How many times is she going to have to go?_

_I guess I hurt Ino's feelings. I told her I didn't know why I was going, if it was just to sit in the waiting room. She wouldn't explain herself to me. She just got all mad, but I could tell she was trying not to cry._

_I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I want to be there for her, if that's what she needs. I just don't understand _why_ she wants me to, unless she's just embarrassed to go by herself. _

_So I went. And then, when the nurse came, Ino grabbed my arm and pulled me with her, looking pissed. That was unexpected._

_They didn't do a whole lot. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat, which sounds nothing like a heartbeat. It sounds like someone swinging a kusari-fundo over their head. But, interesting, nonetheless. Oh, and the baby should be here by the end of January. Less than three months away. I can't believe it._

_Ino never told me why she changed her mind. I can't figure her out at all. She's so troublesome._

_.  
_

_November 17,_

_Ino showed up this evening with a suitcase. Then I remembered one tiny little problem: I forgot to talk to my parents about this. But Mom just took the suitcase from her and led her up the stairs, yakking away, like she was expecting her._

_I really didn't think Ino would take me up on the offer. Maybe her parents really _are_ stressing her out._

_I'm just...yeah. Ino's here. Hell. Yeah._

_.  
_

_November 18,_

_Gwaaaargh. So, last night at two in the morning, Inoichi showed up at our front door to retrieve his sweet-little-precious-baby-angel-face-girl. Princess. I could hear the conversation in my room, between Inoichi, Ino, and my parents. I, like a coward, hid in my room for most of it. I didn't want to get involved. Also, I was sleepy. _

_The basic flow of the conversation went like this: Inoichi would yell something obscene. Ino would yell that she can do whatever she wants, she's not a little kid. (That sounds so familiar.) Then my mom or dad would say something. I never actually heard their voices, but I knew they were talking, because there would be a pause, and then Inoichi would yell something _else_ obscene, but address it to either "Shikaku" or "Yoshino". Lather, rinse, and repeat._

_Eventually, Ino was getting hysterical, so I finally went downstairs. I didn't want to, but I had to make sure she was okay._

_When I got to the living room, Ino came right over to me and buried her face in my chest. She got tears and snot all over my shirt but I didn't really care. I had about two seconds to enjoy my little piece of heaven before Inoichi yelled, "YOU!"_

_Um, me? (This is when I tried to look innocent. I finally gave up. Too much work, and it was late.)_

_He said no way in HELL was he going to let his baby...angel...thing...live with a boy she wasn't married to. He said, "I can forgive you for what you did; you made a mistake. I get it. Your Dad convinced me to let you have another chance to prove you have Ino's best interest at heart."_

_I'm pretty sure I nodded or stuttered or made some noise at this point. Or all of the above, probably._

_But he went on to say that Ino staying with me just showed that I had evil designs on his daughter._

_Um, yes, in fact, I do. But I'm _trying_ to keep them under control. Doesn't that count for something? And it's not like I _made_ her move in._

_That's when Ino yelled, "I'm not moving in with Shikamaru! I'm moving in with Nara-san!" And she went over and held my mom's hand._

_Oh._

_Ino explained that my mom has been helping her a lot and talking to her and being really supportive, and she needs that right now, so she wants to be with her all the time._

_Oh. I was not aware of that._

_It makes sense, actually. Mom's been in Ino's shoes._

_Long and short of it, Inoichi finally gave in. Very reluctantly. Later, Ino assured me that his "giving in" didn't matter at all to her; she'd had no plans on leaving. Maybe her dad could sense that, or maybe he did it because Ino seemed like she needed it so much, I don't know. But, of course, he got in one last parting death threat aimed at me. _

_I really do think Inoichi wants what's best for Ino. I can't imagine having to deal with this with _my_ daughter. I'm glad it will be a really long time before my kid is a teenager._

_.  
_

_November 19,_

_I guess Ino's back to wearing makeup, because she woke me up this morning at six-freaking-thirty. But then, I found her passed out in a chair by ten a.m. I can't even bring myself to be annoyed. I'm too glad that she's here. I wish she was here for _me_, but whatever. You take what you can get._

_.  
_

_November 27,_

_Heh. Ino bought this new shirt, and it has a neckline that sort of folds over one side. I can't explain it. Anyway, when she leaned over today, I got a face full of boobs. In reality, she was across the table, but it felt like they were _right there. _They are a lot bigger than they used to be, and I'll just leave it at that._

_.  
_

_December 2,_

_Tomorrow, Chouji, Naruto, and I are escorting six people to and from Kusagakure. It's going to suck, because we will have to travel at normal speed and be there for four days. That means I'll be gone for more than a week. And I'm not sure how things will go with Chouji. Luckily, Naruto will be there to distract us with his mind-numbing idiocy. So that'll be good._

_I don't want to be gone from Ino that long. But when I get back, she's having another test where they look at the baby, and I'm going. It'll be cool to get to see that._

_.  
_

_December 11,_

_Just got back yesterday. Mission was successful. No real problems. Chouji was subdued, but friendly. In a way, I think we support each other by being in similar pathetic situations._

_Ino spent a couple of nights at her house while I was gone, she says. She wanted to see her mom and dad. She says her mom is jealous that she's living here now, but that she understands. So that's good. I hadn't been thinking about, but now that she mentioned it, yes, it's a good thing._

_Test tomorrow!_

_.  
_

_December 12,_

_I have no idea what I was just looking at, but Ino and her nurse assured me that it is a human child. I can't help it if I still have my doubts. But Ino held my hand while we were watching the monitor. So that was worth the trip._

_Ino introduced me as "the father" and the nurse called me "Dad" the whole time. I'm not really interested in being "Dad" to a sixty-five-year-old lady with blue hair. Really. I mean, maybe I _will _be the father of a sixty-five-year-old lady with blue hair someday, but then I'll be old and retired and I probably won't care about anything besides where I left my teeth._

_.  
_

_December 17, _

_How is it _possible_ that we are going to another appointment?! I just..I can't...GAH. Did I _not _just go to one?_

_.  
_

_December 18,_

_Appointment today. Same old. Kusari-fundo, measuring tape, huge belly. Yeah. Looks like Ino is going to be going to these every week now, or something, so I'm not going to bother writing about them anymore. I'm just going to write, "Baby still awesome." That should cover it._

_.  
_

_December 22,_

_Today was fun, in a gross, creepy, unnatural way. The baby was kicking Ino, as usual, and we were watching because the baby was going to town and you could see bumps and lumps moving around. That was gross enough, but it's something you just can't stop watching. That should never happen to a human being; it's just not normal, and I'm going to take this moment to thank GOD I'm a man. But then, at some point, I saw a FOOT. It was tiny and it was obviously a foot. Is it possible to be amazed and disturbed at the same time?_

_But then I look up, and Ino has this look on her face like she's just in _love._ With the foot. And then my mom came in, and we're all just sitting around, watching this foot slide around. And then _Mom_ starts to look like maybe _she's_ in love with the foot. Then Mom _touched the foot. _Through Ino's skin, of course. But still. That just makes it weirder._

_Women are _so strange_._

_.  
_

_December 26,_

_Baby still awesome._

_.  
_

_January 1,_

_Happy New Year to me. Oh, yes. Very happy indeed. Because today, Ino kissed me. On purpose, and totally sober. She always manages to surprise me. She just stomped in, plopped down on the couch, and planted one on me. I never even had time to close my eyes. But she looked so...focused. Even angry. Then she said, "I just had to try it."_

_So I was smooth, of course, and said, "Well...?"_

_Then her face didn't look angry anymore and she kissed me again._

_And I kissed her back. But just when I was starting to get into it, she jumped up and yelled, "Oh my god!"_

_I just sat there looking at her, because, you know, Ino was freaking out, what's new._

_But she looked horrified, and I thought of the baby and got scared, so I jumped up too and said, "What? What is it?"_

_And she backed up and was staring at me with wide, kind of crazy eyes. And she said, "I...kind of remember it!" Then she put her hands over her mouth and said oh my god again._

_We stood there staring at each other for a whole minute, before I finally got the guts to ask what, exactly, she remembered._

_Her eyes got even wider and she still had her hands over her mouth and she shook her head._

_I can only imagine what _my_ face looked like._

_That's when she turned and bolted right up the stairs. She's pretty fast for a pregnant girl._

_There was no way I was going to let her do that again, run off and stop talking to me. No way. I was too close to something normal!_

_So I followed her, and when I got upstairs she had locked herself in her room._

_I just yelled at her. "Ino! Please don't me mad at me again!"_

_And she yelled back. "I'm not! I just...I didn't know!"_

_Argh. She was killing me! She told me she wasn't angry, but she was too embarrassed to talk about it face to face. Well, I wasn't going to sit in the hall screaming about my sexual exploits through a door. Or, rather, one. One sexual exploit._

_So I sat in the floor outside of her door until she let me in. An hour and a half later._

_I asked her what the hell she was expecting. It's not like we went to the fluffy pet bunny store while she was drunk._

_But she just whispered, "the living room floor?"_

_Huh. Well, yes, I mean, that _was_ unconventional._

_Turns out her memories aren't very clear or linear. She remembered the where, and the who. (Of course, she already knew the who before.) She refused to tell me any more specifics, so I just had her write them down on a piece of paper. Then I started to read it, but she wouldn't let me. She said, "Not in here! Read it later! By yourself!"_

_By the way, I did. I'm...um...keeping it for posterity. I folded it up and stuck it in the back of the journal.  
_

_Anyway, after all that, I said, "Ino, I love you." Again._

_She just said, "I know." Then she kissed me again. It wasn't really passionate, just sweet. _

_Then I said, "I'm sorry."_

_And she said, "I know."_

_Then I said, "Please let me take care of you."_

_That's when it got passionate._

_It's funny. Even though we've had sex once, it was like we never have. It was like we were starting from the beginning. I suppose, for Ino, it really _was_ like that, even though she sort of remembers the last time now. We didn't do much besides kissing tonight, for a couple of reasons: one, it was almost dinner time; two, I'm not going to pressure Ino into moving faster than she wants to. I already feel like I've done that once. So I'm leaving it up to her. We'll see how that works. (If she decides to go faster rather than slower, so much the better for me.)_

_And, Mom, who always seems to know what's going on, was positively nauseating all evening, smiling and hugging Ino and being annoying._

_Of course, _me_ she pinned against the wall and made me promise not to have sex in her house anymore. I don't think she was kidding. Damn it._

_.  
_

_January 2,_

_Baby still awesome, except I've been re-quarantined to the waiting room. If stuff is going on in there that Ino doesn't want me to know about, then I don't want to be in there, anyway._

_.  
_

_January 4,_

_Based on what Ino's been saying (which isn't all that much, as we've been otherwise occupied) I'm starting to get a sneaking suspicion that Mom had something to do with Ino's change of heart. I don't know how much Mom knows, or what she could have said to Ino, but I'm not going to question it._

_I love my mother._

_.  
_

_January 7,_

_Ino had a baby shower today. Men were not invited. I wouldn't even care about this, except that about five hundred thousand shrieking women were in my house. I evacuated to Chouji's. He let me in and things went well. It's only natural that he would start to be normal again, right when things are just getting started with Ino and me. It feels like I'm always keeping secrets from someone._

_.  
_

_January 9,_

_Baby still awesome. I still get to hold down the waiting room. Unless something interesting happens at one of these appointments, I'm not going to bother writing about them anymore. They're ALL THE SAME. Ino goes in, I wake up with Ino yelling at me. Not interesting._

_.  
_

_January 13,_

_I'm thinking about asking Ino to marry me. Yeah, I know I said I was going to leave it up to her how fast we would go, but I was talking about sex. She says she loves me, which is a miracle to me considering how she felt about me six months ago. I just...I want her all to myself and I want to be a family. I want to be normal. I don't want to have to "figure out where we're going" and all that crap; that sounds like a pain in the ass. Am I asking too much? Maybe I should be content with what I have. But I can't. It's not enough._

_.  
_

_January 16,_

_Ino is so beautiful. And so shy, which I never would have guessed. She was laying in here with me this evening, and we were talking (she was talking, I was listening) and she had this button-up shirt on, but she had unbuttoned it halfway, from the bottom, so that we could watch the baby roll around. After a little while, the baby stopped rolling and we got distracted. Ino was talking about what she might want to name the baby, and I wasn't really thinking about it, but I started touching her stomach, moving my fingers up and down, from her waist all the way up to where the buttons stopped me, feeling the bump. But then, Ino unbuttoned her shirt the rest of the way, but only opened it a couple of inches. And she wasn't wearing a bra. So I just kept moving my fingers up, between her breasts, and all the way up to her face. She wouldn't let me open the shirt any farther than that, but she did let me kiss her, everywhere my fingers had been._

_Then she got embarrassed and went to her own room, and I was laying there all sexually frustrated. But the way she was looking at me the whole time...there are no words._

_.  
_

_January 17,_

_I just read yesterday's entry, and I'm...I don't know. I was horny when I wrote it. Sorry, journal._

_.  
_

_January 19,_

_Well, Ino saved me some trouble. How often does that happen? I was sitting outside, minding my own business, when Ino came out to find me, acting huffy. I don't know why she does that, just suddenly gets mad at me about something even though I haven't seen her all day and haven't done anything. So there I was, relaxing, and she came out and yelled at me. "Am I supposed to raise this baby in your parents' house?!"_

_Uh, what? Did I say something?_

_She _demanded_ that I marry her and find us some other place to live. I couldn't help but tease her, and remind her that she said she'd moved in to be closer to my mom, not me._

_She told me to shut up._

_All that remains is to figure out when. I'm all for having Tsunade marry us in her office, but Ino has always wanted the fancy dress and the...whatever the hell else they have at weddings. Me being humiliated, probably._

_.  
_

_January 23,_

_This baby could show up at any moment. I have no idea what to do. Ino gave me a basic list of "don'ts": don't drop her on her head, don't forget where I put her, and don't refer to her as "troublesome woman". This information seems incomplete, somehow._

_I remember when I was a little kid, and I was about to do something dumb, my dad would pin me down with his shadow so he could stay on the couch. It made me wonder a couple of things:_

_1. Would it be easier to use the shadow, or to actually get up? In general, physical movement is easier than using chakra. But sometimes I'm just really comfortable._

_2. Does using the shadow count as father-daughter bonding time?_

_.  
_

_January 25,_

_We decided, today. We'll have Tsunade marry us on the 28th. Hopefully the baby will stay put until then. Then Ino will have her big, fancy, gag-inducing wedding in a couple of months, "when I'm skinny again." They way she talks about it, I get the feeling that I could sneak out and not be missed. But it'll probably just be easier to go through with it. If she noticed I was gone, I'd catch hell._

_.  
_

_January 27,_

_The baby did not stay put. I'm resisting the urge to refer to her as "troublesome" right now. I'm at the hospital, and it's lunchtime, so I'm writing a quick note in here before I eat so I don't forget anything important._

_We came in at one this morning. Someone went for our parents, because they showed up later. I don't really remember when, because I ended up falling asleep in this chair after Ino got all set up. About when the sun was coming up, Ino woke me up crying, and our moms were there. It turns out our dads were in the waiting room._

_It seemed to go on forever. I went over to her and she held my hand the whole time, and kept yelling, and every time she would yell, she'd grip my hand tighter. And I could feel her nails cutting into my skin, but she wouldn't let go. Looking at my hand now, there are fourteen places where she broke the skin._

_It was kind of a blur. A blur of screaming then not, fingernails digging then not, Tsunade in, Tsunade out, nurses in and nurses out. I was pretty grateful to be back by Ino's head, because I did _not_ want to see what was going on on the other side of that blanket._

_I kept thinking Ino would start cursing me or something at some point, but she never said a word. She just hung on and cried._

_Eventually, there was a baby. It was so weird. Two seconds before, there was no baby. There was Ino, me, Mom, Yamanaka-san, Tsunade, and a nurse. There was no one else in the room. Then, suddenly, it was Ino, me, Mom, Yamanaka-san, Tsunade, a nurse, and a baby. Like she just popped out of nowhere._

_And Tsunade handed the baby to Ino and said, "She looks like her dad." Smirking, of course._

_I don't see it._

_And Ino named her after my mom. It seems to fit. We owe her a lot, I think._

_Yoshino is amazing. And so tiny. I swear I've seen squirrels bigger than her. I've barely had a chance to hold her, because our moms and, oddly, our dads won't give her up. That's fine; I can sleep when they're holding her, but I'm afraid she's going to be the most spoiled child in the whole village, and that does not bode well for me. _

_Ino is sleeping right now. (There's no way I'm going to let her know I have a journal. Although, now I'm wondering where I'll be able to write in it once we're married and living together.) And so is Yoshi-chan, right next to her mom. (I know, I know, Yoshi is a boy's name. I'm easing into this girl thing a little at a time.) Our parents went home, so I'm going to eat, and then maybe _I'll_ take a nap in the chair._

_I'm a dad. Go figure._

_.  
_

_January 28,_

_Tsunade married us in the hospital room today. Our parents were there. So was Chouji. He took it alright, I guess. He's not happy about it, but I think he was trying to be supportive. Of course, he's in love with Yoshi, probably because she's Ino's daughter. And mine. My daughter._

_I'm holding Yoshi right now. She's so little that she fits in one arm easily, and I can write with the other while Ino sleeps. I didn't get to hold her all day again today; I had to fight _my father _for her. He's completely crazy about her. He says there's no way she looks like me, she's too good-looking. He thinks she looks like Mom. Still, I'm not seeing it. I'm looking at her right now, and I'm thinking she looks more like a pink raisin. Wearing a hat._

_Oh, and Inoichi doesn't seem mad at me at all anymore. I guess everything pales in comparison to a baby, when you can claim it as your own, even just a little._

_My life has taken such a turn for the incredible. I have Ino, the most beautiful, difficult, amazing, challenging woman in the world. I have Yoshino, who keeps looking at me like she has a million questions and I have the answers. I get kind of nervous when I think about my future, about the work it'll take to make two women happy. I don't know if one man can do that. But I'll do the best I can._

_But my next kid had better be a boy._

_-N.S.  
_

_

* * *

_

_I don't remember when we started kissing, but I do remember feeling like I couldn't get close enough to you._

_I remember you telling me to be quiet._

_I remember feeling totally crushed by your body, but you still didn't feel close enough._

_I remember when you got frustrated because you couldn't get my bra off._

_I remember that it hurt. I don't remember caring._

_I remember you whispering in my ear. I don't remember what you said._

_I remember the carpet, and the couch, and the coffee table, and the light coming from upstairs._

_I remember that your hair was down. I remember thinking that it was beautiful._

* * *

I've got to give credit to my friend for giving me a warming chair massager thing as an early Christmas present. It's kept me in front of the computer for two days. w00t!  
_  
_


End file.
